


Those Lost in Sound Will Find a Way to Return

by God_Help_Me



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Canon Compliant, Dads of Marmora (Voltron), Depressed Keith (Voltron), Everyone is a bit out of character, Gay Keith (Voltron), He missed his friends, Keith (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Painkillers, People who are dead stay dead, References to Drugs, Slow Burn, it's more filling in missing scenes i guess, thats the drug, up to a point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23482522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/God_Help_Me/pseuds/God_Help_Me
Summary: Voltron was doing fine without him, they didn't seem to miss him, or care about him. So why should he care about them?
Relationships: Antok & Keith (Voltron), Keith & Kolivan (Voltron), Keith & Voltron Paladins, Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 202





	1. Stop calling me a fuckin' kitten

The team was doing fine without him. It took Keith two months to realize that, and it hurt. When Shiro disappeared it was awful, they couldn’t function without him. Was he really that replaceable? He hated that fact, he thought he had finally found a family, he thought that the paladins had managed to realize that he wasn’t just the hotheaded loner.

But, they didn’t. They didn’t and holy fuck it _hurt_. The only times they had ever called was to talk about battle strategies, not to just check up on him. So, in return, he did the same. If they didn’t seem to give to fucks about him, why should he care about them in return?

(He cared, he _definitely_ cared, but he didn’t want the Blades to think that his loyalties lie elsewhere. So Keith never brought it up to Kolivan, he didn’t want his opinion of him to lower than it already seems to be. Come to think of it, most of the Blades seem to have a low opinion of him).

He was happier with the Blades (he told himself that daily, even if a part of him didn’t believe it), they didn’t yell at him as much as the paladins did, they didn’t make him do any of that “team bonding” that Allura did, and they drilled it into his head that he was replaceable - a fact that he had learned a while back.

The Blades didn’t care if he lived or died, and he was okay with that. It was easier going on life-threatening missions without the fear of upsetting someone you love (the Paladins didn’t care about him, they wouldn’t care if he died). Yet, he couldn’t help but miss Voltron. He missed the way Pidge would sit next to him and ramble about whatever she was working on, he missed the back and forth teasing with Lance, the warm and hesitant hugs Hunk gave him. And Shiro, he just missed Shiro.

He didn’t know if Shiro and the others missed him. They didn’t act like it, Voltron performed just fine without him.

“Keith,” the voice startled him. When did the door open? “Kyösti wants to see you.” Kolivan was standing in his doorway as he wracked his mind for the name, only to come up with a blank.”

“Why?” He was stalling, he knew that, and he should stop stalling because Kolivan could get mad at him.

“He says you haven’t had a medical exam yet. Let’s go.” The tallers patience was wearing thin (most peoples’ did when it came to Keith, except for Shiros, never Shiros), beginning to walk away. The purple-eyed Galra scampered after him - even though he’s been with them for months, he still manages to get lost.

Their walk to the Med-Bay was silent, a very awkward type of silence. Keith let out a tiny sigh of relief when they arrived, but looked to Kolivan in question when he followed him inside. He didn’t get a response, only being ushered to a bed.

Kyösti entered the room (at least he thought it was him, Keith really needed to get better at remembering names and the faces they belonged to), walking over to Keith and Kolivan - who had taken a seat next to Keith - with a clipboard in hand.

“Let’s begin, shall we?” His voice was deeper than Kolivans, not as deep as Antok’s was, though. He asked basic questions, the scientific name for humans, what is considered poisonous to him, his weight - 119.6 - and height - 5’6.

He was asked to take a blood test, which was a bit of a problem for him as he despised needles. Getting stabbed by a knife, he was fine with that, getting shot, he could deal. But the idea of having a thin ass blade inserted into his body and taking his blood? No thanks.

“This should be quick, human blood vessels are relatively easy to find.” Keith wasn’t paying much attention to the quiet whining he was making, he didn’t notice how Kyösti paused for a moment and exchanged glances with Kolivan with a raised brow. His mind was focused on the needle and the dense red liquid that was slowly filling it, and how he wanted it out.

“Keith,” Kolivans voice startled him (again, he should really be more aware of his surroundings and the people - Galra? - around him) “How old did you say you were?” The question made Keith pause, he never recalled telling them his age. So he told them that, which obviously didn’t satisfy them.

“I think I’m about 18 or 19, my birthday should have happened on Earth by now, I think. Pidge” her name made him pause “never did precise conversions, or maybe she did and just didn’t tell me.” He looked at the two Galra, quirking an eyebrow at their expressions.

“You’re 19, that’s practically an infant.” Kolivan said, looking at Kyösti “And even if you are only half Galra, that would still mean your life-span is extended.”

That got Keith's attention, “extended? Extended for how long?”

“An average Galran life-span is about ten thousand years, so yours would most likely be extended to about five thousand or so.”

“What if I don’t want to live that long? I don’t want to see all my friends die!” Keith looked down, he did one of the only things he had sworn not to do, show any kind of loyalty to the Paladins. “I’m sorry, I just- I know that they don’t like me. The Paladins, that is. But I can’t help but care about them, we fought together, I almost died for them, and I miss them.” His voice cracked at the end, he stayed silent after that. Waiting for Kolivan to get mad at him, or for Kyösti to tell him to leave.

But that never came

“Kit, don’t despair for caring about the Paladins of Voltron. It’s alright if you miss them, you’re young, and have yet to see the true colors of war. And that is okay.” Kyösti’s voice was soft, understanding, and warm. 

“He is right,” Kolivan was standing next to his bed, now “you are a young kit, you shouldn’t have to fight this war. And for that, I am sorry.’

That term tripped the dark-haired boy up, a kit was like a baby cat. Are they calling him a kitten? “Stop calling me a kit, I’m not a baby.” He could _hear_ the pout in his voice, that was definitely not helping his case.

A chuckle came from beside him, “whatever you say kit.”


	2. That's the Fourth One this Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shouldn't be fighting in a war that doesn't concern him, but he is, and so are they.

“Fuck-” Another blast came from behind him, skimming his shoulder as he attempted to dodge. His efforts were in vain, more soldiers came pouring through the hallway. The body of his fallen comrade (Aallotar, was it?) getting trampled by the enemy.

His mask started to glitch out, most likely damaged from a hit to his head, he only had a few seconds before it completely went out. He ducked under another blast, the top of his hood getting burned in the process, which was a shame. He didn’t like having to ask the Blades for things, and now that his hood got burned (in battle, might he add), they were going to baby him even more now.

An explosion rocked the ship, more shouts came from the corridor to his left. He knew it wasn’t the Blades, their a stealth organization (he isn’t the best at stealth, but he is improving), they wouldn’t pull something as risky as that. That left the only other option, Voltron. The idea made him wince, Keith shook the thought off and dove back into battle.

If he were lucky, he would be able to take care of the remaining Galra and leave before the Paladins reached him. Black hair moved along with the body, splaying out onto the ground when he got pinned by a larger soilder (why were they all so fucking big? Is this what Pidge felt like standing next to all of them?).

Footsteps came from the left, they were fast, and familiar. They were Shiro’s footsteps, he still knew the sound despite not hearing them for months. The larger being was thrown off him, being pinned by the Black Paladin. Allura came in as well, followed by Pidge, they went over to assist Shiro, wading through the unconscious (or dead, he didn’t care which, what he did care about is the fact the only Galra still conscious is fighting Shiro. Did he manage to do that? He didn’t remember it.)

Keith sat up, ignoring the sting that came when he put weight on his arm in favor of touching the back of his head. It stung, and his gloved hand came back tinged with red (it just looked darker, really, red doesn’t really show on black clothing - he knew from expierence), slightly worrying but he opted to ignore the fact.  
“Keith,” fuck he missed Shiro, and his voice. He had a nice voice, it was calming. “Can you stand?” He thought he was standing, a quick glance at his legs told him he wasn’t. Huh, strange. He’s just a bit out of it, that’s what he rationalized.

Fingers snapped in his face, his eyes focused on them. A small what escaped his lips as he looked up at Pidge. “Shiro asked if you can stand, and I asked if you were okay. You have some injuries as well, let’s get him to the Castle of Lions.” She told the last part to Allura and Shiro, who both nodded in response and moved towards him.

The larger Galra was down, but he still managed to botch his mission. Keith pushed the smaller away from him, shaking his head as he stood up. “I’m fine, don’t waste your time on me.” He began walking towards the right corridor - he came through that way before the mission went south

He was going slower than he wanted, not enough to be noticeable by the others (that’s what he hoped for, at least), but enough to some-what annoy him. “Keith, I don’t think you should be moving around in your state, you should-”

“I’m sorry Princess” He turned around, only slightly, just enough so he could make eye-contact with the Altean (his mask broke, when did it break?) “But I’m not part of Voltron anymore, I would _appreciate_ it if you let me being useful in fighting the fuckin’ war.” His tone was bitter, and he felt bad when his eyes drifted towards Shiro. 

He wanted to go with them, he did. But if he did, there would be one to many paladins, and Voltron didn’t need him.

Not anymore  
\---  
He knocked on the looming door in front of him, a muffled response of come in was all he heard before the door opened with a faint swish. “Kit? Do you need something?” Kolivan sounded so sincere and fatherlike it kind of pained him. Keith looked towards the floor, fiddling with his hands.

“I, uh- I need a new suit”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay of chapters, and for the shortness of this one, I just couldn't decide what I wanted to do, hopefully next chapter will make up for it


	3. Fricking Frick Frack Why am I so Bad at Not Failing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did they act like that? He may an idiot, but he's not stupid.

Footsteps echoed through the empty hallway, another botched mission, more soldiers to replace. Keith supposed that he should count himself lucky, though, having evaded a fatal shot to the head (although, evaded was a loose term. He made it so he didn’t die, which was good, he survived. He loved it when he did that.)

Kolivan told him to go to the infirmary, saying that Kyösti would be more than willing to help him with any injuries he got. Keith ignored the metal door that led into the sterilized room, making a bee-line for the training room (that’s what it was called, right? He had been at the base for around a month and a half - a phoeb and a half? - and still didn’t know what they called things).

There were only a few soldiers there, given the late hour. He ignored them, going over to a training bot (none of the other Marmora members liked to spar with him, he didn’t know why though), taking out his blade when the doors that he had just came through opened. Kolivan stood in the doorway, an eyebrow raised as he and the younger made eye contact.

“Kit, I thought I told you to see Kyösti.” Keiths’ lips parted, the retort on his toung dying when he saw the expression his leader wore. It was almost, _almost_ sad, but why would Kolivan be sad if he didn’t see Kyösti? Keith was expendable, why waste resources on a soldier who constantly blew his own cover on stealth missions.

The babe put his blade in its sheath, keeping his violet gaze locked on the ground. He heard Kolivan sigh, becoming dimly aware of the fact the other Marmora members had ceased their spar, looking between the two. “Kit, come with me.” 

The taller held out an arm, beckoning Keith over to him, he followed, jumping when an arm slid under his own, another sliding under his knees. Keith looked up to Kolivan, face beginning to redden as he heard the muffled laughter of the sparring soldiers. “Please, put me down, sir.” His voice cracked, why did his voice crack? He was 18 (19?), not 12.

“Will you walk with me to the infirmary?” 

Keith didn’t say anything, looking at his collapsed hands that lay in his lap. Kolivan knew he wouldn’t, meaning that he was getting too predictable, if that information got out an enemy could use that to their advantage. He needed to change.

The lights were beginning to brighten, signalling morning. Kolivan was warm, it was nice, comforting. It reminded him of Shiro (Fuck, he hadn’t thought of Shiro in a while, he wondered if he missed him, if the Paladins missed him. He doubted it. When Shiro disappeared the team fell apart, they could barely function without their leader. But Keith? He didn’t matter, he was replaceable, expendable. 

Shiro didn’t care when he left, none of them did. And that hurt, because he thought that even if the others hated him, Shiro would always be there. But he wasn’t, not anymore.)

The door in front of them swished open, Kyösti looking up from where he was working, eyes falling on Keith - who Kolivan still had in his arms. The medic smiled, although whether it was in sympathy or amusement Keith hadn’t a clue. “Kit, what did you do now?”

* * *

Standing on a box next to Kolivan wasn’t his best moment, but he refused to let the Paladins think that he was as small as he was. They were having a checkup on the state of Voltron, as well as giving any information they had gathered. Keith wasn’t aware of the conversation happening, his mind beginning to drift even though he tried his best to keep up.

His hand latched onto his wrist, nails digging into the fabric, an attempt to ground himself. The voices began to mix, he was dimly aware that he was giving a response to a question, he was dimly aware of the fact that the Paladins eyes often drifted towards him (for what reason, he didn’t know, maybe they forgot him so quickly that they didn’t recognize him? Maybe thought that he was some weird hybrid instead of someone who fought by their side?)

He felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder, looking up to see Kolivans eyes darting to his then back to the screen. The Paladins were silent, still looking at Keith, did they ask him a question he didn’t respond to? Did he say something wrong?

“Keith,” Shiros’ voice rang in his ears, violet eyes darting to meet silver ones through a screen. “Are you sure you're okay? Last time we saw each other in person you were injured, and you ran off without saying much to us.” Keith silently cursed himself, of course they would take offense to him running off. Why was he so _stupid_?

“Oh, sorry for running off.” Was all he said, judging by the way Shiros’ eyebrows furrowed, that wasn’t the right thing to say. He looked to Kolivan, silently asking why the Paladins were acting strange. 

“No, it’s fine that you ran off Keith,” Pidge was speaking, standing near the back so the Blades could fully see her. “It’s just that we were worried about you, you were hurt.” Keith glanced down to his chest, where armour hid bandages from his last mission.

“Why?” He cocked his head, genuinely confused on what was happening. “I’m not part of Voltron, why would you worry, it’s just a waste of time.” He fucked up again, didn’t he. The Paladins looked appalled, maybe even concerned - so did Kolivan, it was weird. “I uh, I’m gonna go now.” He jumped off the box, backing out of the room.

When the door slid closed, he let himself sink down, why was he so _bad_ at not being bad at everything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm b a c k with another update, whoooo


	4. Shit be Trippin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, pain hurts, and I don't wanna take anymore painkillers."

Keith clicked his tongue, glancing around the room from his position by the wall. The Paladins had wanted an in-person meeting, he didn’t know why. He didn’t even think that they knew he was there, his mask being activated and his hood up. Maybe Shiro did, Shiro always seemed to know when he was there, he didn’t say anything.  
It was uncomfortable, to say the least.

The room was filled with tension, Allura being especially on-edge around the Blades. He tuned back into the conversation, which had taken a sharper tone. Everything felt off, the voices beginning to mix together, like his head was being shoved under water. His eyes couldn’t seem to focus on anything, he didn’t care.

He didn’t seem to care much about anything, these days.

Kolivan had begun giving him more lectures after the video meeting thing, video chat? Keith didn’t know, he never had much access to technology as a kid, maybe that’s why Pidge told him to stay away from the computers. Or maybe she just didn’t want him to be around, or touching things that she used. She thought he was disgusting, that was okay. Keith knew he was, he didn’t need anyone telling him things that he already knew.

He was Galra, and Galra are bad, Allura calls them disgusting, Keith is disgusting. He was a monster, the Paladins said they didn't care about his heritage, but their lying. They always lie to him, or don’t tell him things. 

Why did Kolivan lecture him more, again? He didn’t know, probably because he kept fucking up. He should stop that, fucking things up. Yeah, he’s gonna do that, but he doesn’t know why he keeps fucking up. He should find that out, that would help.

People were staring at him, he and Kolivan were the only Blades still in the room. Shiro was in front of him, did Shiro learn teleportation? Did Shiro _always_ know how to teleport? “How did you teleport.” Good, he asked, these are important questions, the answers could help with winning the war.

“Teleport? Keith, what are you talking about.” Keith blinked up at Shiro, the room was definitely brighter than he remembered. Oh, his face was uncovered, that’s why.

“You were sitting down,” Shiro raised a brow, hands still on his shoulders, were they always there? “And now, you’re in front of me.” 

“Kit, are you alright?” He looked over to Kolivan, everything was so weird, was he the only one who was confused?

He furrowed his brows, maybe he took too high a dosage of painkillers earlier. “Uh, maybe it was the drugs.” That’s what painkillers are, drugs, so why did that sound so weird?

“Drugs?” Hunk spoke up, standing from his seat. Hunk was, really tall, so was Shiro, and Kolivan, was he just small? No, he was taller than Pidge, he wasn’t small. Keith nodded, hand going up to cover the latest injury he got. Maybe if he didn’t get injured as much he wouldn’t botch the missions.

Or did getting injured make it so the mission isn’t a complete failure? He got the information they needed, he just didn’t do it stealthily, or peacefully. So that method was working, what would happen if he got injured more? 

“No, pain hurts. I don’t wanna take more painkillers.” 

Painkillers do suck, he agreed with whoever said that.

A hand lifted his chin up, making him meet the eyes of Shiro. He looked concerned, everyone looked concerned, he was more concerned with the fact that no one answered his question. “Keith,” He blinked, trying to get his vision to focus. “Are you hurt?” No, he didn’t hurt, he just had a large burn on his stomach.

“He’s not responding.” When did Lance get so close? Can _everyone_ teleport except for him? “Hunk what do we do he isn’t responding.” 

He was tired, he wanted coffee, and to sleep. But sleep was bad, because that time could be spent training, or reading, he managed to learn Altean when he was still a Paladin. He should learn Galran, maybe a few other languages, not even for diplomatic reasons. It was more of a power move, learning random languages for no reasons.

Was that why he hasn’t slept in a while? He forgot the reason for his sleep protest, it had to be more than 50 hours though, anything below is cowardly. He wasn’t a coward, maybe, he might be a coward.

Was that why he was on the floor?

“Hey, can you look at me?” Shiro, that was Shiro, he knew that. He knew Shiro’s voice, it was always so nice, and comforting, Shiro was comforting. He looked up, meeting silver eyes. “I’m going to take you to the infirmary, ok?” Keith nodded, he could trust Shiro.

“Good.” Arms wrapped around his frame, they were really warm. He laid his head on Shiro’s shoulder, eyes getting unfocused again. Everything was mixing, he didn’t like it.

He didn’t like feeling like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was fun to write, also, over 1000 hits? n i c e
> 
> I also got a discord server, if anyone wanted to join  
> https://discord.gg/Kkcyfmg


	5. who needs therapy when you have, determination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't like being helpless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw//mentions of ab*se

Living in a desert for a few years should have made him more accustomed to bright lights, but here he is, basking in disappointment.

He glanced around the room, clicking his tongue as he realized where he was. He was just happy he didn't end up in that, frozen healy tube, it never looked fun. Keith swung his legs over the side of the bed he was placed on, grimacing a bit as his burn was aggravated.

Where was his suit? Better yet, why was he in shorts and a shirt? Even better, did someone change him or did he do that himself? That must of been awkard.

Standing was a bit more difficult than he had hoped, having to lean on the bed table for support, he let out a breath. Pain is temporary, swag is forever.

Was the castle always this big? Or was it just him being slower than he usually was, maybe resting was the smart idea, but Keith only made dumb decisions. 

Only dumbasses are allowed on this ride. 

He walked until he saw a door, if he remembered correctly it was the hangar, and right now he just wanted to get out of the castle and back to the Blades' base.

Walking through the door made him realize he was wrong.

He needed to stop relying on his memory when it comes to these things.

"Kit, what are you doing walking around?" He felt himself freeze, Kolivan was staring at him, so was everyone else.

"Uh, I, I didn't like being in a room as white as I am?" Lance covered up a laugh at Shiro's look. "I mean, I just, I um-"

Kolivan started towards him, arms crossed and a stern look on his face. He looked like one of his foster parents, he didn't think he liked that.

"Kit, you should be resting." Kolivan's voice had a growl to it, Keith didn't like it, he didn't like when people were mad at him. Anger never meant anything good, mainly just pain. Kolivan's expression faltered, ears perking up and Keith realised he was making some kind of sound. It dawned on him that he was being towered over, he couldn't fight _Kolivan_ , he'd get killed. He couldn't fight the Paladin's either, there were more of them than him and most of them were taller. He couldn't run, he barely remembered the layout of the place.

He was cornered.

Keith sucked in a breath, body shaking and eyes wide. "Kit," The voice lost the growl, Kolivan glanced over to the Paladin's and Keith did the same, eye's glazing as he met Shiro's eyes. Shiro looked ready to jump in, brows furrowed and eyes holding _something_ that he couldn't place and he wanted to cry because ~~his friends~~ the Paladin's looked scared and he didn't want them to be scared because he didn't want them to be mad.

Kolivan had bent down, hands placed on his arms. "You're okay, Kit, I won't hurt you." And Keith wanted to believe him, he wanted to so bad but the Paladin's said the same thing and the Paladin's lied. The older Galra sucked in a breath, "Let's go somewhere more private." He nodded, he'd be obedient because obedience lessened the punishments.

"I'll go with you," He tensed at Shiro's voice, breath becoming shakier.

Kolivan glanced down at him, only nodding at Shiro as he ushered Keith out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, glancing at the last update, which was in June, and now it's January: Yeah, I've got time
> 
> Also did I say that there'd be comfort in this chapter? Well, I lied, get bent
> 
> I am allergic to writing long chapters

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be a slow-burn, and I will include Keiths suicide mission at the end of season 4 because why not.


End file.
